Thursday, June 05, 2003

Main Entry: bor·bo·ryg·mus
Pronunciation: "bor-b&-'rig-m&s
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural bor·bo·ryg·mi /-"mI/
Etymology: New Latin, from Greek borborygmos, from borboryzein to rumble
Date: circa 1796
: intestinal rumbling caused by moving gas

Friday, May 16, 2003

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Monday, May 05, 2003

Jake in CatNipHaze.2002

The Hulk Rage was so near. Already imbued with cat-like reflexes Jake held the monstrous force in check. 'Must...not..give in' , Jake strained with the effort. Using all of his almost-feline tenacity he clung to the crumbling precipice edge, nothing but swirling vortex-of-insanity below. Just as it seemed that all was lost a sudden sharp crackle announced the arrival of his salvation. The Krispy Green Flakes. He was already inhaling deeply the aroma before him, feeling the madness melting away. He lessened his grip and felt the transformation begin. Jake quickly finished the ritual, taking a mouthful of the crunchy green flakes and giving them a good cheww while he mashed his face in the remaining mound. The scent was so pungent so rrowlicious. Jake felt his head getting very large, his teeth so long and pointy, and his whiskers reaching out so far that when he moved his head he knew where everything was. Most of all Jake was aware of his now super-prehensile tail, stretching off to infinity. The world was glowing iridescent colors and the flakes were tickling his eyelashes. Jake decisively retired to the Cave of Solitude, once there he marvelled at his whipping and looping tail and performed far away tasks-of-mercy with just a few flicks of his supernatural appendage. Sleep overcame him.
He dreamed. A giant robot cat from another planet came to annihilate the world. Jake prevailed in the ensuing battle of titans, but was badly wounded. He lay on his back fast asleep, his paunch thrust out, as thousands of well-wishers formed a processional and licked his wounds. Another world-ripping disaster averted...but...there is always conflict, always the duality of being, always tomorrow.

Friday, May 02, 2003

Thor Cheesecake. 2002

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

The Bloak as got on Top of Aunty

Every body knows Aunty. Stoan boans and iron tits and teef between her legs plus she has a iron willy for the ladys it gets red hot. When your time comes you have to do the juicy with her like it or not. She rides a girt big rat with red eyes it can see in the dark and it can smel whos ready for Aunty. Even if they dont know it ther selfs the rat can smel if theyre ready.

Time back way back after Bad Time ther come playgs in the towns and they wer berning out the Badstock and the clevverness and that. Aunty she wer here and there and every where on her rat. She wer larfing and singing she wer doing the juicy right lef and senter she never got a nuff of it. Every 1 wer hiding out from her the bes they cud what ever hoal or shelter they cud fynd. It dint help them nothing that rat smelt them all out any how. Bloaks even if they dint think they cud get it up for Aunty jus 1 look from her and they wer ready. Theywd have ther go with Aunty but they never done it moren 1ce. 1ce Aunty clampt down with her bottom teef it wer Bye bye all bes no mor Trubba in this worl.

There wer a bloak his wife and childer dead from the playg and them what wer berning out the town wer after him with torches. Flames jumping up behynt him he dint have much chance but on he run from 1 hoal to a nother. He wer so much out of Luck his numbers all gone randem and his progam come unstuck he startit in to crave for Aunty he cudnt think of nothing else. He fealt ready only he dint see no red rat eyes nor he dint hear Aunty coming.

He gone looking for her then and calling to her he wer yelling, ' Come on Aunty Im ready for you and I want it now.' He mus not have smelt ready tho becaws the rat dint come after him. He begun to foller on the rat then. He wer faslegging it thru the berning looking for jynt rat shit til he cawt up with Aunty. He said, ' Drop your nickers Aunty you are for me.'

Aunty larft she said, ' Whyd you come running after me do you have a iron willy or what?'
He said, ' I dont have nothing special Im just dying hard.'
Aunty said,' All right then but you mus let me get on top thats how I all ways do it.' When Aunty got on top of any 1 her stoan boans and iron tits wud crush them down and her bottom teef wud finish the job.

This bloak tho he said, ' Not this time Aunty. Every thing else has got on top of me but I wil get on top of you.'
Aunty larft and let him do it becaws she liket how he come running after her. That bloak never had any thing like it he didnt know if he wer dead or a live he said, ' Am I dead now or what?'

Aunty larft she said, ' No youre not dead becaws you got on top of me and I pult in my bottom teef for you. I done that becaws you dint hide you come running after me. Off with you now and keap in mynd nex time its arga warga for you.'

Off he gone then he come to that place which now its callit Hagmans il. He seen a woman there she wer the 1st he seen since he ben with Aunty. He said to her, ' I done the juicy with Aunty and Im still a live.'
She said, ' prove it.'
He said,' Iwl prove it right a nuff but wud you tel me 1st what do they call this place?.
The woman tol him, ' Hangmans Hil.'
The bloak said, ' Wel les call it some thing else now becaws I've been with Aunty and Im stil here. Jus a littl wyl back I ben ready to dy but now Im ready to live a littl and in joy with you so lets call this place Hagmans Thril.'
The woman said, ' If thats the name wewl do the same.'
There wernt much else to do in that place it wernt nothing only smoaking runes dead bodys from the playg and nothing to eat.

The bloak went with her then he went agen he went all day and all nite he woar his self out and tirely he cudnt put out no mor input.
The woman fealt him going she said, ' Dont you fancy me no mor?'
He said, ' It aint that its jus Ive overwent my self I think Iwl res a little now.'
She said, ' I think youwl res a littl longern you think.'
He said, ' Whyre you looking at me that way who be you and whats your name?'
She said, ' Who I am is Auntys saymling sister and my name is Arga Warga.'
When the bloak heard that he tryd to run but he wer that woar out he cudnt move and she jumpt on him and et him up. From then on they callit that place Hagmans il.

Hagman Hogman big or small
Thats the end Ive tol it all

Russell Hoban from Riddley Walker

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

Hart of the Wood

There is the Hart of the Wud in the Eusa Story that wer a stag every 1 knows that. There is the hart of the wood meaning the veryes deap of it thats a nother thing. There is the hart of the wood where they bern the chard coal thats a nother thing agen innit. Thats a nother thing. Berning the chard coal in the hart of the wood. Thats what they call the stack of wood you see. The stack of wood in the shape they do it for chard coal berning. Why do they call it the hart tho? Thats what this here story tels of.

Every 1 knows about the Bad Time and what come after. Bad Time 1st and bad times after. Not many come thru it a live.

There come a man and a woman and a chyld out of a berning town they sheltert in the woodlings and foraging the bes they cud. Starveling wer what they wer doing. Dint have no weapons nor dint know how to make a snare nor nothing. Snow on the groun and a grey sky overing and the black trees rubbing ther branches in the wind. Crows calling 1 to a nother waiting for the 3 of them to drop. The man and the woman and the chyld digging thru the snow they wer eating maws and dead leaves which they vomitit them up agen. Freazing col they wer nor dint have nothing to make a fire with to get warm. Starveling they wer and near come to the end of ther strenth.

The chyld said, ' O Im so col Im afeart Im going to dy. If only we had a littl fire to get warm at.'

The man dint have no way of making a fire he dint have no flint and steal nor nothing. Wood all roun them only ther wernt no way he knowit of getting warm from it.

The 3 of them ready for Aunty they wer ready to total and done when there come thru the woodlings a clevver looking bloak and singing a littl song to his self:

My roadings ben so hungry
Ive groan so very thin
Ive got a littl cook pot
But nothing to put in

The man and the woman said to the clevver looking bloak, ' Do you know how to make fire?'
The clevver looking bloak said, ' O yes if I know any thing I know that right a nuff. Fires my middl name you myt say.'
The man and the woman said, ' Wud you make a littl fire then weare freezing of the col.'
The Clevver looking bloak said, ' That for you and what for me?'
The man and the woman said, ' what do we have for whatfers?' They lookit 1 to the other and boath at the chyld.
The clevver looking bloak said, ' Iwl tel you what Iwl do Iwl share you my fire and my cook pot if youwl share me what to put in the pot.' He wer looking at the chyld.
The man and the woman thot: 2 out of 3 a live is bettern 3 dead. they said, ' Done.'
They kilt the chyld and drunk its blood and cut up the meat for cooking.
The clevver looking bloak said, ' Iwl show you how to make fire plus Iwl give you flint and steal and makings nor you dont have to share me nothing of the meat only the hart.'
Which he made the fire then and give them flint and steal and makings then he cookt the hart of the chyld and et it.

The clevver looking bloak said, ' Clevverness is gone now but littl by littl iwl come back. The iron wil come back agen 1 day and when the iron comes back they wil bern chard coal in the hart of the wood. And when they bern the chard coal ther stack wil be the shape of the hart of the chyld.' Off he gone then singing:

Seed of the littl
Seed of the wyld
Seed of the berning is
Hart of the chyld

The man and the woman then eating ther chyld it wer black nite all roun them they made ther fire bigger and bigger trying to keap the black from moving in on them. They fel a sleap by ther fire and the fire biggering on it et them up they bernt to death. They ben the old 1s or you myt say the auld 1s and be come chard coal. Thats why theywl tel you the aulder tree is bes for charring coal. Some times youwl hear of a aulder kincher he carrys off childer.

Out goes the candl
Out goes the lite
Out goes my story
And so Good Nite

Russell Hoban from Riddley Walker

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Tree. Heath,Tx.